You are currently browsing the daily archive for April 14th, 2008.
For some reason I have no urge to fall into the depression of past days. Around Thursday or so, something in my mind simply switched on (or off?) and a seven-month cycle of evening breakdowns began drawing to a halt.
Even though there are matters pressing on my mind, academics, my future, I am less inclined toward the typical self-pity and more toward turning music up to ridiculous volumes and doing something. Now is the time to feel numb about my direction in life and confused about my summer plans, but it is also the time that I will take action. I suddenly recognize things I want to learn and do. I’ve sworn to get even more involved and hopefully join dance, get involved in more groups… that I simply don’t have time to fall into this rut again. I want to master the guitar and learn how to glowstring. And I’m unhappier when totally idle. Which is a great thing to be unhappy with, considering my to-do list.
Almost as if overcompensating for the tendency I’m beginning to let go of– that lingering in the past, wistfully remembering superficial attention– I realized that I have a slight revulsion toward those worlds I was once interested in. Anime fan? Not anymore. My skin crawls a bit. Losing interest in most Internet-based activities has made me turn to real life. Which is a great turn of events, considering my to-do list.
For some reason? Realizing all this? I feel really mentally free.
And content.
(Except for when I turn to my to-do list.)
