from fanfiction. Yep. Deal with it.
“Right. Well, that’s still accurate, even with the benefit of hindsight. Daniel had some trouble finding an anchor in life. For a while, I think I kept him focused, and in return, he treated me like a queen. But eventually I realized that I was actually trying to shape him, and even if it might have been for the better, it was exhausting to me and ultimately unfair to him. And for his part, he realized that he couldn’t build everything around trying to please me.” She offered a self-conscious smile. “The age-old tale, isn’t it? Women trying to change men.”
“Well, sometimes we need changing,” he observed jokingly.
Her gaze turned pensive. “No,” she said. “A person can’t forcibly change another person, at least not without incurring some trauma along the way. The only way it works is when the person wants to change. Wanting to be better for someone is one of the nobler pursuits, but it has to be genuine. If you don’t sincerely like someone the way they are, it’s all built on quicksand.”
Quoted for truth.
Stupid-female pondering ahead; turn back now.
Perhaps revelations made at 4:20 (heh) in the morning are inaccurate, but I realized a few possibilities and even fewer certainties. Certainty one; I haven’t actually considered anyone in my life romantically for themselves past the semblance of being enamored of an idea, save for one, and that got sorted out when he became my best friend. (Status iffy.) Certainty two; this means I need to stop messing around with guys because it’s (a) easy (this applies to loserly people I knew back from high school or otherwise) or (b) highly unlikely that I’ll ever have a chance past the little scenario-generator in my head (this applies to most recent point of curiosity, piano-playing singing Southern hallmate who is probably not-so-secretly head-over-heels for the pretty (Asian) Southern belle in our hallway who’s just as gracious as she is gorgeous. Damn those ones) because me being me is being ineligible.
Certainty three; I don’t need a relationship now. Possibility one; I don’t think I actually even want a relationship now. Or ever, which leads to possibility two; I don’t need one ever, which is less possible but when reading the above stampede of fanfiction in an effort to mindnumb (effort successful), I realized that ideal romance and mushy I-love-yous drove me up the wall. This may be due to negative conditioning in recent months and bad mental associations, but either way, it bears pondering.
Hmmm, ponder.
I should probably sleep; clearly, my brain cells have rotted past the point of saving if I’ve been pondering love lives and lack thereof this frequently on this poor blog.
EDIT 3:27 PM: Something strikes me about the significance of a tumbled, ramshackle box of sushi pieces I like (salmon, avocado, cucumber) that no one wanted because it’d fallen off a shelf tasting oh-so-much better than any neatly-arranged one I could get (tuna, california, vegetable– with carrot…).
I think things need to be shaken up for diamonds in the rough to shine. Or, as my mother would say, pearls in the sand. But I have the feeling my GPA is going to do that whether I like it or not.

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January 22, 2008 at 12:15 pm
alice
I’ve been pondering such thoughts a lot lately as well. It makes me want to SHOOT MYSELF. Slightly exaggerrating =) I guess it’s just that I was never a huge fan of mushy romance, either. But maybe we’re not meant for that. Maybe comfortable companionship is more of our thing (hence the falling for your best friend scenario thing). So that’s one possibility.
As for your “certainty one”, I’ll have to admit that there was a boy in the (admittingly, somewhat near… ) past that I thought I could maybe consider just because they were “perfect” — in the superficial sense (same family background, beliefs, values… and he was cute! and we were friends!). Doesn’t mean we actually had any chemistry whatsoever. I eventually realized that I was “crushing” on him more out of a feeling of obligation rather than because I actually liked him for who he was. I was reminded of that last night when I was reading Time magazine. Here’s an excerpt:
If you are always going for the best you can get, at that point you will dump your partner pronto. But your partner would have invested time, child rearing and forgone opportunities in the relationship by that point. Anticipating this, your mate would have been foolish to enter the relationship in the first place, and the same is true for you. In this world of rational actors, neither of you could thus take the chance on the other. What could make you trust the other person enough to make that leap?
One answer is, Don’t accept a partner who wanted you for rational reasons to begin with. Look for someone who is emotionally committed to you because you are you. If the emotion moving that person is not triggered by your objective mate value, that emotion will not be alienated by someone who comes along with greater mate value than yours. And there should be signals that the emotion is not faked, showing that the person’s behavior is under the control of the involuntary parts of the brain–the ones in charge of heart rate, breathing, skin flushing and so on. Does this emotion sound familiar?
And then I was reminded again after reading your post. What is up with that? I blame global warming.
January 23, 2008 at 2:49 am
Kevin
Hehe, I check in every now and then. It’s good to see you’re as witty and creative and that college has neither dampened nor increased your cynicism.
I’m always here if you want to talk, and as always I wish you the best.
Take Care.
Btw, when’s your birthday?