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(Picture courtesy of the wonder that is Google Images.)
This is my party face when trapped at home in a house full of Asians and no way to escape. May you all be having a New Year’s Eve far fabulous than mine (I know which three of you certainly are!).
So long, 2007. Can’t say I’ll miss all of your contents terribly, but dang, I miss some things. (Like having viable free time, for one and foremost.)
Here’s to 2008– all I can ask is, what’s going to happen this year?
Let’s find out.
Happy New Year, gentle readers.
In the artist’s mind, music evokes other worlds.
Or perhaps that’s just this artist’s mind. But good music, no matter what, is the kind that makes me empathize with someone I don’t know or to ponder their story, that takes me to other places and times, even to where I am right now but deeper. It might take me to my own mind, somewhere that has nothing at all to do with the actual words or strains– maybe my own dreams.
I think I’m getting more neurotic about solitude than normal (if that’s at all possible!) because I’m stuck at home, no longer immersed in an environment where there are always other people on hand and, at the very least, the illusion of friendship holds strong.
Here, where half-hearted suggestions of “…we should hang out” and broken social circles reign supreme, the blow of an offer ignored strikes harder. It feels like an outstretched hand left to dangle feebly at a departing back, reaching for a silhouette disappearing into the sunset.
And there’s snow on my blog ’til the 2nd of January. Thank you, WordPress!
And thank you for all of the views and well-wishes, gentle readers. I’m somewhat embarrassed that you’ve been reading my ill-conceived ranting (and wouldn’t mind if you dropped a note to let me know if you loved or hated it 
) but such is the price of making this blog public. May you all have a wonderful winter!
Maybe it’s the holidays. Maybe it’s the old inadequacy, the questions of weight and appearance and am-I-good-enough. Maybe it’s just trolling Facebook and noticing all of the wall-to-wall convos between people who suddenly seem better acquaintances than you could ever be; maybe it’s the silence on the other end of contact, trying to reach friends who aren’t there for you anymore. Maybe there’s no reason, and certainly it’s irrational.
But that slow, creeping, deep-seated feeling of loneliness is back, and it’s not bringing Christmas presents.
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I love Christmas. So naturally I skip over the nicer music in my arsenal and blast instrumentals, trance, and symphonic metal. Mmmm.
[Went on a cruise from Thursday to now, to Key West, Florida and Cozumel, Mexico. Still feel as wobbly as a person still floating on the ocean. When I sit still, my sense of balance rocks back and forth...]
Thursday/Friday, December 20/21, 1:27 AM
Day one of cruise. Held up for 45 minutes by incompetent agents who couldn’t make a photocopy of my replacement passport application (I somehow lost mine but they technically ought to still allow me on because my parents are both American citizens and I have a US driver’s license and etc etc etc but nooooo). Cannot speak for myself despite clear command of the English language and better understanding of paperwork technicalities than most of the cruise employees because I am not yet 18 years old and thus have not gained some ~boundless fountain of legal-responsibility wisdom, clearly~ that comes with being a few months older. Fuck laws. Read the rest of this entry »
Thought: Britney made promiscuity and overt sexuality mainstream. Now Jamie Lynn’s example is corrupting the next generation of girls. Between the two of them, the Spears family is single-handedly fucking with America. Niiice. At the same time, women are not at all sexually liberated. But this isn’t my pedestal blog. That’s even more anonymous.
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Turn off all electronic devices? Pfffffft. As the plane descended through the clouds yesterday, I left my iPod onto BT’s “Communicate”, upswings and breakbeats and vocals coinciding delightfully with each turn made and cloud layer broken. The city lights fanned out flatly in grids and I craned my head around the wing blocking my vision, watching the landscape below us rapidly rise to eye level.
Our university paper (on which I am a staff member, whooo!) published a breaking news article a couple of hours ago on our website.
It states that the events of previous days were totally fabricated by the student for whom we had such sympathy. And, for many of us, a friend for whom we were worrying.
Now I worry even more, because there are going to be academic repercussions against him, and I wonder what state of mind drove him so far as to set all of this up– threats, injury, scandal. What’s been taking place behind that easygoing facade? What kind of pressure could cause such a mask to reach a breaking point?
I don’t know what to think anymore.
I look up from my feeble efforts to study and I see the clouds outside moving at a fantastic rate, gliding past my window. I idly wonder where they’re going, how they’re going to get there, and why they’re in such a hurry.
Couldn’t they stay for a little bit, just to make the sun’s rays all the more brilliant as they poke through?
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When you see something in the distant future and go so far as to set up events so that the expected outcome goes through, it’s infuriating when it finally does, because being right is never satisfying. Most especially not when it involves making other people realize things about themselves.
In yesterday’s university paper I read that our assistant resident adviser, a friendly, easygoing junior who lives next door to me, has been receiving death threats under his door and in his e-mail, as have fellow officers and one guest-lecturing professor of a socially conservative group on campus that promotes family ideals, a stand against homosexuality, and pro-life abortion stances. While I seldom agree with him on social and political matters, he’s still one of the most amiable people I’ve met. At 4 AM this morning, groggily settling in after a night out, I heard a friend of his frantically knocking on his door. “Are you in? Please answer me if you’re there! Are you okay? Open up! Are you okay??”
